Well, here we go again...

FUNNY BUSINESS

I’ve never had a lot of time for the world of big business. My father inhabited it and, in fact, he prospered modestly. But I never saw him happier than the day he retired. There has to be something rapacious at the heart of any enterprise whose primary function is to generate limitless wealth for a small number of people unconnected with the production process whilst demonstrating little fundamental regard for the human cost. And the phenomenon of ethical business, we should note, has emerged in reaction to the horrors of excess rather than as constituting some sort of new a priori default mode. It‘s a sort of oxymoronic aberration that, at best, lifts a little of the pressure off the throats of the poor.

But maybe we might find a few scraps of wisdom to carry away from the feeding frenzy to our profit. Consider these three little business world management koans...

LESSON NUMBER ONE

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day except rustling beneath his feathers and watching the day pass. A small rabbit saw the crow, and called up to him: "You look so at peace with yourself. Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson?

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

...

LESSON NUMBER TWO

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with natural nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and then another and found that, indeed, they did give him the stamina to reach, with a little practise, the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Shortly after dawn the turkey was spotted by a farmer who shot him dead.

Management Lesson?

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

...

LESSON NUMBER THREE

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground in the middle of a large field. While it was lying there, a wandering cow came by and dropped some dung on it. When the frozen bird came to, it lay there in the pile of cow dung, relishing the warmth. Within no time it thawed him out completely! He snuggled down as if in his own nest and began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the birdsong and came over to investigate. Finding the happy bird under the pile of cow dung, the cat dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson?

•   Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
•   Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
•   And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut.