It’s now nine months since I fronted a class and taught a lesson. And during those nine months I haven’t missed the experience for a moment. The majority of my friends and acquaintances who are still teaching find this unsurprising. Indeed, many of them would swap places with me in a heartbeat.
But it continues to catch me by surprise. I was, for the greater part of my career, passionate about my subject, Drama, and totally committed to its realisation in theory and practice. I loved working within the freshness of imagination, the absence of prejudice, the readiness for enquiry and practical endeavour of the responsive kids. At the very least, surely, four decades of programmed engagement with young people in various confined spaces should have established something of a daily, monthly, termly routine from which disengagement might have been difficult.
I think that, in the final analysis, the dead hand of state interference in educational process rested too heavily and for too long on the tiller. The mechanistic obsession with standards and targets and the testing procedures whereby attainment must be measured gradually stifled enthusiasm and commitment. No room was left for the random, the circuitous, the improvisatory, the spontaneous – those priceless ephemeral elements that are at the heart of authentic learning.
So when it all puttered to a halt in the July of last year, I was ready to get into my car and drive for the very last time through a set of school gates. And I was ready too for that phenomenon that so many teachers must find deeply painful – the sense of the waters closing over one’s head and the river flowing on with no tangible evidence of one having once been part of the current. I’m still in regular contact with a number of ex-students and I cherish the mutual feeling that we each gave of ourselves in our time together and valued the learning that came from the transactions. Some of them are now in their late 40s; a few are still in their teens. But I don’t, for a moment, miss the classroom. I have, I believe, achieved closure.
...
Here are two contrasting accounts of my experience of the educational process. The first comes from my second year of teaching, the first from my own education in a small, long-extinct progressive school.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
Albert Einstein[1.] DOWN ON THE KILLING FLOOR
Albany Road Boys’ Secondary School, Deptford, South-East London, 1969
Struggling my way (sometimes literally) through bone-wearyingly long days in a South-East London boys’ secondary school, I was rapidly coming to the conclusion that the teacher’s task was a simple bi-polar process. At the northern end, where those boys lightly caressed by the penumbra of the curriculum lived, you lobbed the books from desk to desk at 9.00 am and it was heads down until 4.00 pm. Once a year the uniformed drones were herded en masse into a reeking hall to spill the contents of the lobbed books onto file paper and then, after six weeks of exhausted holiday, you resumed the lobbing.
At the southern end, where the terminally ineducable lived, different tasks were undertaken. In this realm of shadows much of the time was passed in a climate of threatened or actual violence. If the boys weren’t pushing each other over banisters or into lavatory bowls, the teachers were using their freewheeling powers of corporal punishment for such infringements of day-to-day protocol as wearing a school cap back to front or a school tie for a belt. The cane was used regularly by the tiny Headmaster, but the preferred tool of correction here was the rubber-soled gym shoe. There would be intense, even heated debate in the staff room as to whether leaving the laces in provided extra tensile strength or removing them provided added flexibility.
My call to arms came one day on playground duty. I had positioned myself as usual two thirds of the way up the fire escape steps like a fully dressed lifeguard at the edge of a particularly troublesome sea. I was, as usual, willing the hands of my watch to clamber up towards 10.40 just a little bit faster so that I could blow the whistle, like a successful Canute, turn back the tide.
Suddenly, with the inexplicable swiftness of a force of nature, the random, scattered groups of boys coalesced into a uniform mass. Like iron filings to a magnet, hundreds of black-clad figures were sucked inward towards a central hub of activity. A fight – the duty teacher’s nightmare. As I flung myself into the imploding throng, seizing boys by their blazer collars and flinging them behind me, a curious booming roar went up all around. It was like being under water. I knew that my colleagues would be packed around the staffroom window, coffee cups in one hand, crumpled newspapers opened at the jobs section in the other. They would be watching my action keenly, judging me on speed, style & control.
Eventually I reached the centre, the eye of the hurricane. A tight-knit ring of sweating, feral boys held the ring open, giving the combatants just enough room to manoeuvre. Their feet scuffled for purchase on the tarmac against the mighty press from behind. As I lurched into the circle, carried forward by my own momentum, I nearly stumbled onto Franny Smith. He was kneeling on the upper arms of a terrified smaller boy, his head tilted back, wild-eyed, his arms extended, hands open, screaming: “Give me a fucking brick! Give me a fucking brick!” And, as I straightened up, Danny Wright broke through the inner circle, half a house brick proffered in his fist…
...
[2.] UP IN THE MORNING AND OFF TO SCHOOL*
Sandown Lodge School, Epsom, Surrey, 1955
Friday. It’s 6.30 in the morning. I wake to the sound of racehorses. They walk them from the Roseberry Stables, round Worple Road and up onto the Downs. My caravan’s parked against the high wall at the edge of the school grounds, and every morning they come along the lane high stepping and snorting, sometimes shuffling nervously, quietened by the grooms’ gentle voices.
I lie in the narrow bed. Another full night’s sleep. During the few weeks since the beginning of term when Rory and Isla moved me from the boys’ room to the old caravan, the insomnia has ebbed away, and with it the fear of the night’s long flood tide. Out here, once the light is off, the darkness is total. And within those first few nights while sleep still eluded me, I could hear the screech owls calling from the big beech tree in the Paddock. Once, in the small hours, one landed on the roof. The spread claws skidding as it landed woke me. It called twice – a haunting whistle on a falling note - and then took off. My fear then was real. But it was a gut sensation, visceral. Not the spectral terror of being alone in a night that will never end. I fell asleep oddly comforted.
7.00. I scramble out of bed and pull on jeans, a shirt and a jumper and my wellingtons. My breath clouds the air. I run across the dew-heavy grass to the side of the house, stopping by the kitchen door. An old ship’s bell hangs in the angle between two walls. It’s shaped like an inverted bowl and resting against its upper edge is a hinged clapper. I relish this moment of my appointed office, lifting the clapper slowly. I shiver momentarily and slam the clapper against the bell, seven slow strokes. The sound, importunate, officious, thrills me even as its volume makes my eyes water.
I take the stairs in twos and, bursting into the boys’ room, I jerk the curtains wide and tug the bottom half of the sash window upwards.
- Wakey, wakey, rise and shine! I yell.
Somebody throws a slipper; it hits the upper windowpane. Down the corridor I can hear Rory and Isla’s lavatory flush. Outside on the landing one of the girls – Miranda, probably; she’s an early riser – yawns extravagantly and slams the bathroom door.
7.45. In the kitchen the cook Maria stirs thick Scottish porridge in a huge aluminium saucepan. She steps back to peer through the doorway into the Scullery.
- Who’s here now gets to eat, she announces in her thick Bavarian accent. Who’s late gets it all cold.
Rory comes in, scratching his beard. He wears a shapeless cable-knit jumper and his Hunting Stewart kilt.
- Hulloo, wee-‘uns, he greets the kids. As he walks past Mikey’s tilted chair next to mine, he grabs it and, holding it firmly, tips it swiftly backwards to the floor. Mikey tumbles off it and seizes Rory’s legs.
- Are you on duty, Rory? he asks, pulling himself up.
- For my sins, yes, I am, Rory answers, entering the kitchen. Tea, Maria, black as tar & twice as thick!
9.35. Jimmy watches his English class racing towards the shed for saws, hammers and nails. Under his arm is
King Solomon's Mines, which he would have read them had they not called the lesson off. In fact, there were to be no lessons at all this Friday. Strictly speaking, a day’s lessons could only be cancelled by a majority vote in the School Meeting the week before. But during the holidays several diseased lime trees on the Ashley Road side of the Paddock had been cut down and now that the branches had been sawn off and stripped, the plan was to build the biggest camp yet. In company with all other teachers with scheduled lessons, Jimmy accepts
force majeur and lets them go to join the others, jostling and yelling. But he tells them in the few impatient seconds between announcement and release that he intends to bring them all up in the Meeting that afternoon because they are breaking a rule that has been declared by the entire community.
12.20. I can’t choose between labouring packhorse or Canadian logger as I seek out a role, hauling two long, ragged branches across the grass towards where the camp is to be sited. As I wrestle them into the loose heap and shake off the ropes I can smell the sweet, juicy fragrance of freshly sawn wood.
Already several shorn branches are seated upright in a long, deep trench and Jules is pounding them into the earth with a rubber-topped mallet while Robbie nails crosspieces in place to bind them together. Supporting the branches gingerly are Mikey and Miranda. Jules is teaching them a song in his almost impenetrable Ayrshire accent. With the precision of a chain gang chorus leader, he bawls the strange lyrics on the downward stroke of the mallet:
- Wha’ saw the tatty howkers? Wha’ saw the eenawar? Wha’ saw the tatty howkers, workin’ in the Broomilaw?
You lean against the trunk of the big beech around which the camp is being erected. Jules pauses, downing the mallet and leaning on the upturned handle.
- Now, he says, catching his breath. The next bit’s the best bit so listen, right? ‘Some o’ them had bums like beetroots, some o’ them had een at aw, some o’ them had cocks like carrots, working in the Broomilaw’.
Everyone laughs, shedding tools and falling upon one another. I grin and make my way back to the woodpile for more branches.
4.10. Lunch is taken in shifts, the keenest builders carrying their plates out to the site. Eventually Maria brings the saucepans full of macaroni cheese out to the Paddock and serves the workers in situ. By 4.00 a few day pupils drift away to collect their bags and go for the bus home. The remaining work force moves away, wandering back towards the school building, glad, maybe, of an excuse to rest aching backs. School Meeting starts at 4.15 and Rory has asked that as many attend as possible because he has an important matter to raise.
As I reach the hedge that separates the Paddock from the old tennis court and the frontage of the house, I turn and look back at the day’s work. A ring of stout branches, part woven and part secured by nailed crosspieces and rope, contains the beech tree within a pygmy stockade. A frisson of excitement and pride trips my breathing for a moment. One more full day’s work to be done…
4.20. The Big Room is full. All the boarders are present and the majority of the day pupils and teachers. Most, like me, are perched on the tiny blue kindergarten chairs that line the walls. Only the Chairman and Secretary – Peter and Janine – are seated in comfort on a pair of winged library chairs behind a low table. Rory is seated, leaning against a closed door, cradling Cordi, who is only 4. Isla sits cross-legged beside them.
Peter raps the table with the side of a ruler.
- Order! he calls in his high unbroken voice. I’m opening the meeting at…4.20. Janine’s going to read the minutes of the previous meeting.
Maria had complained that a loaf of bread had gone missing from the larder. The Meeting directed the guilty parties to own up immediately. Jago and Dilly admitted to having removed it and both were fined 1/- each and denied a jam allowance for one week. Rory said that boarders had been seen climbing on the downstairs toilet roof. The tiles were not secure and if anyone slipped and fell the school would be liable for any injuries resulting. He wouldn’t ask the Meeting to support a proposal for any kind of action in this instance; he just hoped that the boarders would be sensible in future. Robbie, Mikey and the Burch twins proposed that there should be a rock-and-roll hop for pupils and friends for the weekend after Half Term. Jimmy asked if teachers and parents would be allowed to attend. By a narrow majority the Meeting voted to include them.
- Any matters arising? asks Peter.
Gilly Burch raises her hand.
- I’m not going to the hop if my parents are going to jive! she declares. And teachers too! And I won’t be the only one! It’s just embarrassing!
The Meeting defeats a motion to ban all dancing grown-ups by a narrow majority and moves on to new business.
Rory raises his hand and is acknowledged by the Chairman. Still cradling the sleeping Cordi, he stands.
- I should like to suggest that we abolish all school rules forthwith, effective as of this Meeting.
He pauses. A ripple of shock passes around the room. A few kids laugh. You are appalled: a thin line between the silent, invisible machinery of ordered freedom and downhill chaos is about to be crossed.
- Do you have a seconder? asks Peter.
Rory leans down & gently passes Cordi to Isla.
- Well, it’s not a proposal at this stage. I simply feel that we have too many rules now and that to try to pick our way through all of them piece by piece, weeding out the unnecessary ones, will be too time consuming. So why don’t we just scrap all of them and start again?
He sits down. For a moment the Meeting is still. Then, one by one, hands go up, some assertively, demanding attention, others more tentative. Peter inspects the display.
- Jimmy?
- I’m not out of sympathy with Rory’s suggestion. But before this gets any closer to going to a vote, am I in order in bringing up my English class from this morning for breaking the cutting lessons rule? I think they should be fined and if we sweep away all the rules in one go right now, an important principle’s going to go with them.
Peter leans towards Janine and they consult for several seconds. Peter straightens up.
- No, Jimmy, you can’t. We have to finish this business before we can go onto new stuff.
I realise with a sort of disembodied surprise that my hand is raised. Peter’s cool scrutiny passes around the room.
- Ricky?
I swallow hard. When I speak my voice sounds alien, as if someone close by is mimicking me.
- But if we’ve got no rules at all then why would anyone…what would stop anyone from, like, breaking a window or, say, smashing down a camp..?
Rory smiles and begins to address me directly.
- Through the Chair, Rory, Peter interjects sharply.
- Sorry, Peter. Now, that’s a fair question and I guess the immediate answer would be nothing at all. But here’s the crucial issue: no one person here at Sandown Lodge has ever put together a list of rules and regulations and said, ‘Right, everyone, here’s what you’ve all got to do and you do it or I’ll tan your bum…’
The little kids all laugh. Rory takes a short step forward and leans an elbow on the fireplace mantelpiece.
- We make the rules. All of us. Together. From the wee kids right up to the grown-ups. And we do things that way because we all know that the rules we have make sense because they’ve come from what happens to us in our daily lives. So – safety, health, convenience, thinking about each other and not just ourselves. Each good rule grows from these sources. I think we’ve got a bit carried away recently and we’ve gone from saying no-one’s allowed to leave school by the main gate because it’s on a bend in the road and it’s dangerous, to things like if you spill sand more than a foot away from the edge of the sandpit you have to pay a 3d fine. And I think that’s a bit crazy. So I propose we dump the lot now and go back to the starting line. No rules, then good rules.
Rory turns and sits, pulling the still sleeping Cordi onto his lap.
- Do we have a seconder? Peter asks the Meeting.
My actions still apparently governed by remote control, I raise my arm. Janine scribbles my name in her notebook as the debate breaks on a tideline of waving hands.
9.30.
- Wha’ saw the tatty howkers…? Jules howls as the boarders climb the stairs for bathtime and bed. Ruth, on bed duty, grimaces from her doorway. I carry my wash bag and towel, granted first ablution privileges so that I can make my way out to the caravan. As I clean my teeth in the basin I can hear five voices at various stages of pubescence following Jules’ lead:
- Some o’ them had bums like beetroots, some o’ them had een at aw, some of them had cocks like carrots, working in the Broomilaw…
It’s a fine autumn night under a full moon. Silvery light shines around the gaps in the rudimentary curtains. I lie staring up at the curved ceiling of the old caravan, wide awake but free from fear. In the great beech in the Paddock, the screech owl quavers and I smile into the darkness.
...
The Downs = Epsom Downs, site of the Derby horserace.
Wellingtons = Rubber boots.
‘Wha’ saw the tatty howkers, workin’ in the Broomilaw?’ = ‘Who saw the potato pickers working in the Broomilaw Road?’
‘een at aw’ = None at all.
1/- = One shilling in pre-decimal coinage. Value, 5p.
3d = Three pence (pronounced ‘thruppence’.) Value, about one pence.
*This piece first appeared in a slightly different format in the
qarrtsiluni education edition, September 2006.
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