During the process of shifting pictures from my images folder on the old Salon blog, I took a brief nostalgic trip through my back pages. From a scrutiny of the comments boxes, it was immediately clear that many of those who followed my blog & who were regular commenters are still very much in the loop & the happy interaction maintained over up to three years continues to flourish. However, it was equally apparent that, since the move to Typepad, I have lost contact with a number of ex- & present Salonista pals, & also with several who visited from the great outdoors.
Most of us who have left Salon have reflected out loud on this sad falling away of old contacts. I foresaw the inevitability of a degree of sink-or-swim in stepping outside the security of a close-knit, self-regulating community. But what did surprise me a little was the abruptness of some of the severances after such long & congenial relationships.
Maybe there was an element of out-of-sight-out-of-mind for some Salonistas during the prolonged period in which I couldn’t access the Salon server. (This denial of access – now known to be an issue common with Belkin wireless routers – extended to both Blogger & Typepad for a while too). In a busy life in which blogging is fitted into a particular time slot during the day, this is understandable. In my case, because of increasing demands from Reuben & Rosie & Emma’s indisposition as the pregnancy advances, I’m having to write & post late at night & thus sometimes against the urgings of sleep. Most bloggers who are not enjoying the benisons of a private income will, for one reason & another, be similarly situated.
But – such practical considerations notwithstanding – I find myself pondering the unusual nature of the relationships that build up between bloggers. And, because I feel that all phenomena that are either underpinned by faith & belief or set against widely held orthodoxies should be questioned rigorously, I query in the first instance, the substance, quality & very nature of those relationships.
Consider. As bloggers, we enter a public forum of such potential scope & range that merely to contemplate the territory for a moment is to induce a sense of agoraphobia! And, having pitched our tent, we proceed to unleash data of the most subjective & revealing nature. Whether through the medium of serious & considered political, cultural or religious commentary, or via diary entries recording the implementation of our sexual predilections in anatomical detail, Self will, in the case of the half-decent writer, shine through. Which, presumably, the vast majority of bloggers intend to be the case.
It could all begin & end, of course, at the point of posting. So far the only difference between scribbling it all into a vellum-bound notebook & typing it into a Word document is the fact of having uploaded the piece to a public website.
But if we check our readership statistics, instantly we acknowledge an active consciousness of the availability of our writing to others & our interest in their interest. And if we activate the comments box provided by our weblog host, instantly we open up the possibility of interaction with those with whom we are sharing our most sincerely held convictions, our most passionate beliefs & our deepest feelings. This sequence of actions – writing, reading responses, reacting to responses – establishes at the point of response the basic coordinates of a personal relationship.
But what kind of relationship? On the surface the conditions may seem to exist for the most intimate kind of friendship. Because the data released exists in written form, framed in many cases in an attractive format, the reader may absorb it at his/her leisure, consider carefully the nature of what is being said, react favourably to the manner in which it is couched, apply the information to his/her own experience & understanding &, ultimately, empathise with the material & thus its writer.
This is a curiously seductive process of utterance & response. It bypasses most of the procedures that are customary in establishing foundations at the beginning of a relationship. The rituals of introduction that are expressed both through paralanguage, gesture & body language simply don’t take place so the two parties effectively forego the social & psychological ceremonies that are endemic to animal behaviour & which prevail with equal significance in the encounter structures dominating human introductory interaction.
The question is: does this process of ‘instant intimacy’ effectively transcend the awkward blocking & avoidance strategies that two individuals meeting physically for the first time might employ (even if each feels an immediate potential bond with the other), or does it mean that without the interposition of such scrutinising & filtering processes the relationship is essentially spurious & inauthentic?
Individuals & their needs & capacities being mightily various, neither scenario provides an immutable truth. At this point in my pondering, I have to use myself as subject & ask what I feel I get out of the network of relationships that I have built up during my three years of running a weblog.
Instantly a paradox emerges. Although I have never met any of my blogger friends, in some instances I probably know as much about them as I do about many of those with whom I actually hang out. In fact, it becomes apparent on careful consideration that I may have been granted more unstinting access to the inner lives – the ambitions, fears, aspirations, personal priorities, creative goals - of some of my blogger friends than is the case with all but the closest of the corporeal variety. And yet, with a few exceptions, I have little or no sense of the corporeal selves of those with whom I might share so much of my inner life. A few misty photographs may have been posted once, or a masthead snap of a face with a fixed grin or grimace might top their blog. In one or two cases, an MP3 brings across the flavour of a voice, but almost invariably in a formal & thus an artificial context.
So there seems to exist a curiously phantom element to these inter-blogger relationships. We may feel a powerful sense of connection to the spirit, the soul, the essence, but have never heard our friend laugh, order a pizza or swear at a jaywalker; we have never held a door open for them, bought them a beer or given them a lift to the airport.
In conclusion, does this expose the relationship as essentially ephemeral or bogus? Absolutely not because where the absence of the sharing of a physical dimension for the friendship may be seen as invalidating its essential currency, rendering it somehow artificial, it can also be seen as providing the conditions for a peculiar purity & intensity of communication. This individual has availed him/herself of the proffered intimacies – those ambitions, fears, aspirations, personal priorities, creative goals - & has reciprocated in kind, demonstrating both understanding & common experience & thus sympathy at least & empathy at best. Untrammelled by the attendant (& not necessarily irksome) complications of practical encounter, the functioning of the relationship is streamlined & its currency is enhanced.
Finally, I would venture to suggest that the substance & quality of such encounters require a healthy & developed interest in other people & a vigorous & sustaining family & social life in the material world. Those who stalk discussion groups, seeking out the similarly emotionally challenged would fly beneath the radar of the serious blogger seeking out meaningful & rewarding interaction.
This post started out as little more than an expression of gentle regret at the falling away of valued contacts following my move from Salon/Radio Userland to Typepad independence. It has turned into over 1,300 words of undisciplined speculation on the nature of ‘e-friendship’ between bloggers. But one of the aspects of blogging that I enjoy most – both as writer & reader – is the opportunity it provides for the flying of kites. And then, from the responses of friends, acquaintances & passers-by (& the readiness to give ground), a little truth might begin to emerge.
Oh, & if any old pals just happen to tune in to this one, don’t become a stranger…
